To be or not to be ...

May be I was better off as a frog in his well. Warm and secure in my own small place. When I first stepped out of the comforts of my home to join college in Delhi, the country opened up and now when I am in New York, the world has opened up.Do I feel confident now? No even more insecure. Have my fears gone? No they have multiplied many times over.

A friend asked me yesterday will u like it when u go back to India. Would u have not outgrown ur friends? It made me ponder and wonder will that happen with me? Rather they have all outgrown me because they are all married now and most with kids. For married people I think the topics of discussion and concern are pretty much the same. So when I join thier league, I would be very much a part of all that and be one of them I guess.

Three years is a long time. I had known this quite well at the time of leaving India that nothing is going to be the same. Because change is inevitable and is the only thing which is constant.True I may have outgrown many in my thoughts and experiences just because they have been of a different kind.But its my outlook towards them or life there which has changed but thier perception of mine that has.

why do i want go back to india?
what will i do if i am in india and still single?
what if i am in india and want to come back to new york?
what if i dont want to do banking any more?
what field will i choose if i were to study once again?
what hobby will i want to pursue if i quit working?
what will my life become if i were to get married, have kids, have no job?
what if i get married to an ABCD? and even if not what if my kids grow upto become ABCDs?

Questions keep crossing my mind all the time but ideally nothing is really in my hands. Its destined. Things will happen as and when they are meant to be. But New York is definitely the city of dreams.You can dream just about anything and make it happen.You dont carve your own destiny. But there is no guarantee that it will give you happiness. Because happiness is achieved not always by doing what you want but being content with what you have.